Metal On The Side Mondays: Xe-NONE

Xe-NONE is a Russian band from Kirov formed in 2004. The two founding members were Lexy Dance (a very manly masculine name) and Newman (an equally manly name). The band combines metal and electronic in a very interesting way, dubbing their music "dance metal". It's a bit different from anything you've probably heard before. Here's a little taste.



Xe-NONE is terrible, there's no two ways about it. Everything from their questionable name choice (no aliens?) to the actual music fails to demonstrate any type of talent. The metal and electronic elements are barely mixed at all. Most songs you can't even hear electronic except for certain sections. The metal itself is unimaginative and usually consists of playing the same few cords over and over. The vocalists are both terrible, there's nothing more that really needs to be said about that. The only reason Lexy (the guy, let me remind you) is actually listenable is because of the doctoring done on his "screams" between recording and actually putting them on the album. This can clearly be heard when seeing them live, where any semblance of music just gets thrown out the window.



That video was posted on the band's official channel which means that they're actually proud of the steaming pile of crap. Lexy's vocals just devolve into a shouting contest with himself. He also throws in some "yeah"s and "oh"s and "hey"s to mix things up. EvilAnn (the girl) actually seems to be trying, which is commendable considering how everything around her is falling apart. The quality is too bad to actually make out any of the other members, though you can hear Newman's synth every so often. Good for him. The only reason anyone should even consider seeing this band live is for Lexy's impeccable dancing ability. And his impeccable biceps.

Xe-NONE have released two original albums: 2008's Dance Metal [Rave]olution and 2011's Dancefloration along with Dance Inferno Resurrection in 2009 which featured metal covers of popular old Eurodance songs. Their cover album didn't really do anything for me because I don't recognize any of the original songs, not that the band did them justice anyway. I did quite enjoy this cover though. I'm not quite sure why, but it may just be how darn catchy the song is. Their original albums are pretty much more of the stuff that can be found in the two videos posted above. Some songs are louder and some songs are slower, but everything basically melds into a giant sound wall of mediocrity.

Look at how many bros there are in this band!

I'm not even quite sure what genre the band falls under. They're one of the very few bands I've found that actually has a Wikipedia page and doesn't have anything on Metal Archives. They sure don't fall under Electronic due to all the non-electronic elements they shove into their songs. What does that leave? Rock? Country? I guess dance metal is the only tag that this band actually falls under, despite not being able to dance or headbang to any of their music.

Xe-NONE is a band that anyone with a penchant for cheese should check out. They're truly so bad that they're good, in every sense of the word. I've been listening to them for a few years now and can't wait to hear some new material when they're ready to take a break from playing a concert a month. They're such a unique band that I just can't avoid giving a recommendation. You can find Xe-NONE at:

Wikipedia
Youtube
Facebook
Myspace
http://www.xe-none.com/

Check them out!
-Zombie Viking

I Have Decided

I will be going to both the Wintersun and Finntroll concerts this coming August. While a festival would be pretty cool, it's just too much money and too much effort. Plus I'd only want to see about 4 of the bands playing at Heavy MTL. Not worth it.

I'll see you soon Jari!

-Zombie Viking

Wintersun is Coming Back to Toronto!

Yes, you read that right. Yesterday the band confirmed the concert via Facebook. That's right, one of the best bands I've ever seen in concert is coming back, and it's at a convenient time for me! It's not in the middle of exams. Heck, it's not even on a weekday.

Come back to me!

There is one small decision I have to make though. This concert on August 11th is the day before Finntroll comes to play at the exact same venue. Should I skip the Finntroll concert? (Skipping Wintersun is out of the question) Should I just sleep at the Opera House? There's also the possibility of going to Heavy MTL that same weekend, which both of the bands (plus Amon Amarth and some other cool guys) are playing at. Though those tickets are pretty darn expensive at $135 and I'd have to endure some of the not-so-metal bands. Decisions decisions... All things considered though, the Heavy MTL lineup is pretty damn awesome compared to previous years. There's actually quite a few big name metal bands and no Slipknot. It's probably the closest I'll ever get to a true European metal festival. Until I go to Europe of course. Maybe one day...

Meh

Well, I'll definitely be posting here which concerts I do end up buying tickets for. And afterwards, you can expect to see my full impressions, right here on this great blog.

-Zombie Viking

Finntroll - Häxbrygd

Who says trolls can't build sweet cars? Not many people, probably. I don't think the subject comes up much. Well here to prove the naysayers wrong, Finntroll. This sweet song is taken from their latest Blodsvept which as you may I remember I wrote a nice review for here. The band also takes this opportunity to show off their new steampunk troll outfits. Hope they'll bring these sweet drags on tour!

-Zombie Viking

My One Paragraph Review: Tales From the Kingdom of Fife

The day has finally arrived, Gloryhammer released their debut album Tales From the Kingdom of Fife! You may remember Gloryhammer as the band who brought tons of visitors to my blog a week after its creation. The least I can do as repayment is write a short review for the album. They'd probably also appreciate it if I went out and actually bought the album, but these things take time and effort. And as you can see by the slightly shorter review, I am dedicating very little of either. On to the review!

For quite a long time I have been questing to find a band or album that can be simply described as "epic". I've wanted to be able to dazzle curious acquaintances with the epicness stowed away in my library and to bring up an example with one simple click. I think Rhapsody of Fire has perhaps come the closest, but they have their off days. This being a review for a specific album though, I think you know what I'm about to say. Gloryhammer is a gloriously epic band. Sure, the music isn't entirely unique and influences such as the previously mentioned Rhapsody can be heard clearly, but damn do they combine it all well. I will admit that I was worried the first time I heard Angus McFife on the youtubes, but listening to the album as a whole gives an entirely different experience. On its own, you may think the music is generic power metal, but giving Tales From the Kingdom of Fife a play-through tells an overarching story of a wonderfully cheesy rendition of Scotland. Each song fits well and there's nothing that sticks out or ruins the experience. Even the slow songs. Even the ten-and-a-half-minute The Epic Rage of Furious Thunder. All in all, Tales From the Kingdom of Fife is a solid album. It wears its influences on its sleeve and doesn't do anything particularly groundbreaking, but everything is combined in such a great and epic way that you owe it to yourself to give it a listen.

I hate giving numbers to things but here goes nothing...
7.5/10

-Zombie Viking

The Many Languages of Metal

One of the great things about listening to folk metal is that most bands have lyrics in their native tongue. It brings an extra element to the music that you won't find anywhere else. Just recently though, I noticed just how many languages I actually listen to and it's pretty crazy. Check this list out:

1. English (obviously)
2. Swedish (Finntroll)
3. Norwegian (Iskald)
4. Finnish (Korpiklaani)
5. German (Varg)
6. Russian (Arkona)
7. French (Benighted)
8. Italian (Rhapsody of Fire)
9. Danish (Svartsot)
10. Gaulish (Eluveitie)
11. Latin (Powerwolf)
12. Greek (Rotting Christ)

I only speak one of those languages and I'll let you guess which one.I just think it's great that someone who doesn't understand any of the lyrics apart from one or two words can listen to and enjoy a song. If you want to hear what songs sound like in any of the languages above, check out the bands. There's a reason I gave examples.

-Zombie Viking

Hammerfall - Bloodbound

Here's some great and classic power metal. I know the song isn't that old, it's still a classic to me! If you haven't heard of Hammerfall, you should definitely check them out. And if you have heard of them, good on you. If you don't like them, too bad, because here comes some Hammerfall.

-Zombie Viking