Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Why the Radio Sucks

I have recently experienced a tragic event in my life. My CD player in my car stopped working. It takes in the disc, says it's loading for a few seconds and then spits it right back out. With no auxiliary input to speak of, I've been forced to listen to the *shudder* radio. Believe me, it sucks.

Don't look at me like that, you smug bastard.
I'm fortunate enough to have all my preset stations set to rock music. I've heard some of the stuff on other radio stations in the past, and it's not pretty. Those songs just repeat the same sentence over and over again for 2 minutes (seriously!), broken up by a short and boring interlude. I don't have a problem with pop music in general, whatever floats your boat. And honestly, some pop music is pretty darn catchy. But this stuff that's on the radio, I don't know how people listen to half of it. The singers can't sing and there's no other music integrity to speak of. I stay as far away from those stations as possible, changing my dial to channel 200 just in case any stray radio-waves decide to wander in my direction.

The "rock" stations still have quite a few issues of their own though. When they play a song I recognize like Rush or The Who, it's great. It's no metal, but it's definitely bearable. All of the new bands sound the same though. It's the same sort-of deep singer voice and repetitive riffs. There's usually no solo or bridge to speak of, just a long stream of mediocrity. Sometimes I turn to a station and the stuff playing actually sort of sounds like metal until the vocalist or another bad riff comes on and ruins to moment. Damn you, mainstream media!

Sometimes I even change to a station right as a country song comes on. Yee-haw! That's a real day-ruiner right there. Just makes me want to go out and kill a puppy. The worst time is when all other stations are on their radio break so I have to suffer through another Subway promotion. Anything besides country music. Speaking of commercials, they're another huge downside to listening to radio. And this is something they couldn't fix even if they wanted to. Sure, I get it, radio stations have to make money. But (and I don't know if they do this on purpose or not) they all synchronize their commercial breaks with one another so I can't change to any station and hear actual music for a good 2 or 3 minutes. Screw you guys. I turned on the radio so I wouldn't have to sit through a silent drive, but sometimes it just gets to be too much.

When it gets to be too much, those are the moments where I just shut off the radio and listen to my crappy phone speaker. Basically every song turns into black metal, but it's still metal dammit! I'm forced to find and play simple songs in order to actually hear what's going on. No Wintersun for me, just Manowar and Hammerfall. I can't actually hear any song with more than 4 instruments. Those are the moments where the only thing stopping me from careening off the shoulder of the highway is the stack of precious, but currently useless, metal CDs I have in my car. Curse you CD player! And curse you radio! I do not wish my situation on even my worst enemies.

-Zombie Viking

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