Monday, May 13, 2013

Metal On The Side Mondays: Xe-NONE

Xe-NONE is a Russian band from Kirov formed in 2004. The two founding members were Lexy Dance (a very manly masculine name) and Newman (an equally manly name). The band combines metal and electronic in a very interesting way, dubbing their music "dance metal". It's a bit different from anything you've probably heard before. Here's a little taste.

Xe-NONE is terrible, there's no two ways about it. Everything from their questionable name choice (no aliens?) to the actual music fails to demonstrate any type of talent. The metal and electronic elements are barely mixed at all. Most songs you can't even hear electronic except for certain sections. The metal itself is unimaginative and usually consists of playing the same few cords over and over. The vocalists are both terrible, there's nothing more that really needs to be said about that. The only reason Lexy (the guy, let me remind you) is actually listenable is because of the doctoring done on his "screams" between recording and actually putting them on the album. This can clearly be heard when seeing them live, where any semblance of music just gets thrown out the window.

That video was posted on the band's official channel which means that they're actually proud of the steaming pile of crap. Lexy's vocals just devolve into a shouting contest with himself. He also throws in some "yeah"s and "oh"s and "hey"s to mix things up. EvilAnn (the girl) actually seems to be trying, which is commendable considering how everything around her is falling apart. The quality is too bad to actually make out any of the other members, though you can hear Newman's synth every so often. Good for him. The only reason anyone should even consider seeing this band live is for Lexy's impeccable dancing ability. And his impeccable biceps.

Xe-NONE have released two original albums: 2008's Dance Metal [Rave]olution and 2011's Dancefloration along with Dance Inferno Resurrection in 2009 which featured metal covers of popular old Eurodance songs. Their cover album didn't really do anything for me because I don't recognize any of the original songs, not that the band did them justice anyway. I did quite enjoy this cover though. I'm not quite sure why, but it may just be how darn catchy the song is. Their original albums are pretty much more of the stuff that can be found in the two videos posted above. Some songs are louder and some songs are slower, but everything basically melds into a giant sound wall of mediocrity.

Look at how many bros there are in this band!
I'm not even quite sure what genre the band falls under. They're one of the very few bands I've found that actually has a Wikipedia page and doesn't have anything on Metal Archives. They sure don't fall under Electronic due to all the non-electronic elements they shove into their songs. What does that leave? Rock? Country? I guess dance metal is the only tag that this band actually falls under, despite not being able to dance or headbang to any of their music.

Xe-NONE is a band that anyone with a penchant for cheese should check out. They're truly so bad that they're good, in every sense of the word. I've been listening to them for a few years now and can't wait to hear some new material when they're ready to take a break from playing a concert a month. They're such a unique band that I just can't avoid giving a recommendation. You can find Xe-NONE at:


Check them out!
-Zombie Viking

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